well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
