Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My cat gives me a boner
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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