At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
