The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize