My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i now understand why vodka
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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