there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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