you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this beer tastes like vomit already
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
