i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
