I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
