he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
