guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
