some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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