I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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