don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
