i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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