Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a hot homeless man
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
