I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pooping to opera.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
