I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
