Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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