Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
