My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
