so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
