i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
