I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
