Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
