you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
