Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
