Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
