Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
