That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
