OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
