Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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