My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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