Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
