you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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