two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
