You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh god it's open bar.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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