Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is wine microwaveable?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
