Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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