Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
