Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
