I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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