And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
