My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
