we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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