So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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