I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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