I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
