lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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