please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
