Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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