I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
