I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
