you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
