i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
