video games are the ultimate cock blocker
either way he was missing a nipple.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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