I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
