I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize