in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
