She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
