please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
