Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I died a long time ago.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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