that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
