I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
