i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
