So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
