I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
