Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
