omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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