New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize