I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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