if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize