girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
