Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
