She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize