Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
