so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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