YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
