Umm I'm too high to move.
so explain again why im purple
no
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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