I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
