Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
