someone get that fucking seahorse.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
