Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
