she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
