Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
