My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
