i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
