vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
