He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
