ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
