Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
