She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
