I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
