she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
