We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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