i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
