So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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