So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
