I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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