Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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