I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
