We won't sleep together?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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