i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
