In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
