fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We had to coat check the pizza.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize