he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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