she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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