chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
