I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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