had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
