It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
