You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
