what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
