but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
