she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
