Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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