How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
