we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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