im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
