I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
